I have forgotten how to write
I have forgotten how to write. I don’t mean that I have lost the ability to make words appear on paper, I mean writing as a form of expression. I’m not entirely sure how or when it happened, and suspect it crept away gradually anyhow.
But I would like to start writing again. Now that I’m self-employed I have more control over my time, in theory anyway. I can at least aspire to a balance of activities - resurrecting old interests, trying something new or borrowed, even something blue should times get tough. The first step: try to understand why I stopped in the first place.
When writing becomes work
I wrote at home when I was a kid. I kept diaries, albeit full of pretty unrevealing entries just in case anyone read them. I wrote creative essays at school. I remember one in particular about a boy who went out in the snow and died. (I should add that I was a happy child, just one with a keen sense of tragedy from an early age.)
However, from my mid-20s writing became something I did at work. When I worked in PR I was predominantly a writer. I wrote press releases, bylined articles, case studies. In PR you can only ever be a ghostwriter, but I enjoyed it. And I certainly enjoyed it more than having to pick up the phone to call a journalist who might or might not have had a blazing row with his wife that morning, and might or might not take that out on you.
Today, for many of us, writing for work could well mean writing a post on the company blog. I did manage a few posts for my ex-employer, but this relatively meagre contribution wasn’t because I didn’t have anything to say, it was because I never felt that comfortable writing on the work blog. At some level I felt an ownership of this material and awkward at it being left behind should I move on. Which, in the end, I did.
I also know that whenever something becomes ‘work’ I stop doing it for pleasure. It only took a few months of working on The Face magazine for me to stop reading it entirely.
When writing feels like it's for public consumption
The minute I feel that I am writing for an audience, I seize up. Too much self-editing goes on before I have even put pen to paper. How will this view be received? What are the chances of someone misinterpreting it? Or of someone misinterpreting me?
For now, I have decided to just write and then see whether what I have written is also something I want to publish. In this case, I decided to publish.
Personality
There is an unfortunate, and in my view misguided, belief in my line of work that you have to be writing, or at least publishing in some form – be it on a blog, on YouTube or, for the lazy amongst us, Twitter – in order to be taken seriously.
The implicit accusation is that if you aren’t doing one or more of these things then you can’t be good at your job. I don’t share this view at all and it certainly doesn’t stand up to close scrutiny at a human level. We all have different personality types. At the risk of being overly reductive, and of causing irritation amongst Burkeman-types, some of us are more expressive, some of us less so.
Regardless of external factors like 'social media exists (so therefore we must all publish)'. Surely our outward expression is more likely to be driven by internal psychological factors. The reason why you’ll always find me in the kitchen at a party is also why you won’t always find me writing on the web. I go where I’m most comfortable. (There’s a more detailed post lurking in this somewhere. I’ll write it in a couple of years.)
I suspect my own writer’s block is in part down to this pressure to publish. Doing anything under pressure isn’t much fun.
Talking is preferable
Some people communicate better through the written word, others through talking. I’m in the latter camp, probably because it is quicker as much as anything. That said, writing things down offers more opportunity for ordering your thoughts and for reflection. For that reason alone it’s worth making time for.
Jadedness
This is the point that has the most potential to put noses out of joint, albeit only a little. Another reason that I rarely write – certainly when it comes to writing about work stuff anyway - is because a large proportion of what I read online doesn’t really say much that is new.
Like many other people, all of whom I am sure mean well, I have opinions on what ‘engagement’ means (it means nothing at all, since you ask). I have a view on the best ways to use social media (think about it in terms of retention not acquisition). And I could give an opinion on the current state of strategic digital thinking in large organisations (often lacking, since you asked again).
The thing is, I am reluctant to add to this mass of information, and frankly don’t see why my opinion is better than anyone else’s anyway. (I suppose this ties back to my earlier point about relative levels of expressiveness in people.)
But I do want to start writing again. I think it would add to my life, and to my understanding of it. Just don’t ask me to do it or I’ll probably stop.
Image by Vince Kusters on Flickr

